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.2:9 ., 

Aunt ^h Hester's 
^Dilemma.-4^ 

FARCE. 



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^Aunt4^ ^7 
Hester s * Dilemma. 

IN TWO ACTS, 

— IJY — 

Edith PI. Waldo. 

X 

TO WHICH IS Al)l)K,n 

A nKS( i: I PTioN ( )1'' TH K ( '( tS'l'IIM KS-CAsT ( )P THF, mi A R AO- 

TKlIS KXTKANCKS AND KXri\S -UIOf.A Tl V K i'oSirioNS 

()V THK I'lOKKOKMIORS ON THE 8'1'AbiK. AND THh: 

WHOLE OF THE STAGE hJUSlNE8c4 

Hiifprt^il accorciin^ to ar( of ('oiijrress in the r^ar 1909 by 
\u ilif urtiee of ihe liihiiuiiiii of Coiiiirttss at Wasljiu^lou, 



AMES' Pr 15 LI SUING 00. 

CIADK. OHIO: 



A UNT HESTER S DILEMMA, r^ a\\ 

CAST OF CHA RACTERS. "^ ^^ J^ 

Miss Hester Brown, 

Alt old nuiid irho prefers to remain one, 

Dorothy Brown, Her niece. 

Sally, The maid. 

Sam Green, Salli/s lover. 

Judge Smith, Finmhj Imvyer. 

Silly Smith His son. 

Adam White, ) 

Joe Kinny, I Neighbors. 

Ben Platt, ) 



TIME OF PL A YING—50 minutes. 



COSTUMES Modern. 



X- 



TMP92-007584 



STAGE Dm EOT rows. i 

R., meansRig^ht; t... Tjell ; i;.' h., 'liii;l tiand ; l. h., T/ftft Hand; 

c, Cpiitfi-: s. E., CMe.) SeciMid Kiilaiice-; u. li., Uppf Eiilraiice; 
M. I)., Middle Door; v., the Flat; u. F., Uoor in Fhil : ... c, Kii>hl 
of Center; L. c, Lett of Center. 

R. R. C. C. L. C. L. 

*#* The reader is supposed to be upon the .stage 1 the audience. 

©OLD 17414 



^Vinit ties lei' JJiiemma. 



ACV I. 

SCENE.— An ordlxarii living room in Miss Brown's 
vili(i<ie hoiiie—y^. <iud \.. E., wiiidcir «// Ixirh-: iahle I.., 
with hooL-^ and ik-whixi > crs on il; clniir^ (dnxtl room 

Sali,y, Sam, Adam W hitk, .Iok Kinny, and Ben 

Platt .s-'''o/f^'/, DoKOTHY nitd BiLLY xlduding doirnu. 
emiagcd in courcrsalion ~>)\JV(iK Smith arranging 
'j)(il>rrs on table. 

Aditnt. Old Mr. Brown wfnt off ini.^lity sadden like. 

Ben. WtMl, Josiali whs pretty wtdl along in years, you 
know. 

Soil'/. Wasn't it a lovely Enneral .-' 

Siini IV'si hineral we have liad tliis year. It was way 
abead of *)ld Hig-in's funeial. 

Sam //vV.s /(/ hihr Sally's h<(nd, but she fosses her head 
(did itrelends to slap him. 

Billy. i>id you receive the violets 1 sent, Dorothy? 

Dor'olhfi. Yes, they were l.eautit'ul ; and 1 ap[)reoiated 
greatly the sweet note that came with them. 

Judge. Billy, Leant tind my spectacles. Have you 
seen them? 

Billil. Why, you have them on, father. 

Judge. t/rV'/.s) Well, so I hive, so 1 liave. 

Joe.' 'I'heold man left consi.lerahle property. I sup- 
pose M.ss Brown will come in f<'r it all. 

SaUi/. She ought jt,v- She is his nearest relative, and 
has ahvnys lived with Inim. 

Bit If* { to DoKOTHY ) Of course you will not go to the 
Polo 'L'uuiuan)ent now, so I will not enter. 

Dorothii l)h Billy, do not give it up on my account. 



4 AUNT HESTERS DILEMMA. 

Bilhj. You kuow 1 would not eujoy playing, if you 
weie not tliere to watch me. 

Enter Miss Brown, l. e. 

l\liss Brown, {adc(tnciiig) Now Judge Smitli, we are 
all assembled and ready to hear poor Uncle Josiali's will. 

Judge. Your uucle was a v«ry eccentiic Juan, Miss 
Brown. 

3Iiss B. Yes, poor dear uncle had his own ideas about 
many things — especially about marriage, hie used to say 
to me, "Why don't you get marri<^d, Hester? "Well," 1 
would answer, "1 have never seen the man yet that I'd 
marry. Men are so dreadful conceited — 1 never could 
abide the vain things. They always want their own way; 
and they all think women don't know much, while 1 know 
1 am as smart as any man and a good deal smarter than 
some of them." Last week, just a few ilays before uncle 
died, he says to me, says lie, "H ster, ain't it time you was 
gnttin' married? 'Pears to me like you was old enongii." 
"Uncle Josinh," says L, "L have lived single forty-two 
veirs, and I ain't found myself hankering after a husband 
yet. When i want to become a slave to some lazy critter 
as calls himself a man, I'll let you know, uncle, Hiid you 
can pick one out for me." Uncle kind of chuckled and he 
says, "Never mind, Hesier, I'll lix that." Oh, uncle was 
peculiar, but we all have our peculiarities, and I miss him 
d.readful poor dear man. {weeps 

Jndgr. if you are really so strongly opposed ro mar- 
riage. Miss Brown, 1 would advise you, as a friend, to ask 
all the <j[entlemen present to retire wliile I read the will. 

Miss B. Ask them to retire? Why? 1 do not under- 
stand what that could have to do with it. 

Judge. You will understand when you hear the will 
You reidly had better ask them to go, Miss Brown. 

Mis.^i B. Very well. Gentlemen, you will find some 
cider and gingerbread on the kitchen table. Go out and 
help yourselves. 

Billy, Sam, Adam, Joe and Ben file out a e., the InHei 
looking curiously over fhrir shouliers — Miss Bkown 
and Dorothy sexd ihemselves down L. 

Judge, {reads) "Will of Josiah Brown. — Know all 
men by these presents, that I, Josiah Brown, being of 



AUXT HESTERS DJ LEMMA. 5 

soiitul tiiiiid, di> liereby will ami bequHHtli all my piupt-j ty, 
botli real hikI p tsoiihI, to iiiy beloved ueice, Hester Brow u, 
(Miss Buown smiles af Dorothy) ou coiulitiou that she 
accepts the tirst proposal of marriage niatle her, (Miss 
BifOWN sits HI) ill horrified astonishment) for 1 ain deter- 
niined that no old maid shall enjoy by herself the 1100,01)0 
1 have been so long in accumulating. In case the afore- 
said Hester Brown should fail to comply with this eondi- 
tiou, my pro[)erty shall revert to my second coasin, Albert 
Brown. (Miss Bkown paces stage m fnri/, Dokothy ch- 
(leavois to calm firr, u'liile SaI-LY giggfes behlmUn'r liaiid- 
kerchief) This is my last will and testament, in witness 
wdiereof I have set my hand and seal this 31st. day of 
August, in the year of out- Lord 1900." 

Miss B. What! It can't be truel Do yon mean to tell 
me that I have to accept the first person that asks me, 
whether I like them or not'? Why, it is outrageous? 1 
won't endure it! [ ne\ei- heanl of such a thing! I'hat is 
just like umrle Josiah, he always was a cranky, disagreea- 
ble old fool, and just set ou having his own way like all 
men. But I'll get the best of him yet. 1 don't have to 
tnarry anybody unless they ask me, and they shan't ask 
me. riiey shall not have a chance to propose to me. 
Dorotliy, you go at once and discharge the gardetier and 
the hire I man, and you (^an hang a sign on the gate, "No 
men allowed." After this if yon see any unmarried man 
coming to Ihe house, just order hini off the |)lace. And 
Sady, you just tell ^Sanl Gieen to keep away, he will be 
proposin' to me tirst Ihing. Oh, uncle Josiah, 1 will get 
the i>est of you yet! {cxU 1,. E., angrily 

Judge. I am sori-y your aunt is st) perturbed over this 
mattei-. Josiah Brown was certainly a very eccentric man. 
(rood afternoon. Miss Doiothy. {e.ril w. r:. 

Sallj/. Well, if she thinks Sam (lieen would propose to 
her .she is mightily mistaken. Why, he would not look at 
liHi- nor her old money. Order him off the place indeed! 
I will tell him to come and see me next Saturday, when 
she goes to the Flower Mission. She nne' JiTt think evei-y- 
bo.ly's sweetheart is in love with her. I know Sam (Jreen 
would lather have me than any Ji^lOOOOl). 

horolhy. I su[tpose she will nt)t h'l Hilly come (o see 
me any more. I wish uncle had not made Ihnt will. 
{rap heard on door R. ) Come in. 



6 AUNT HESTERS DILEMMA 

Enter Adam White, k. e. 

Addtn. Is Mis;< Brown h«reV 

Sal' I/. No, stie isn't. VVliattlo you want to sef» her for? 

A(l(im. Just a little jualter of business, Sally, is it 

ti'ue that Miss Brown liis to marry the tirst uiau that asks 

SdJhj. Yes, it's true, luore's tlie pity — but you ain't 
thinking- of asking her, aie youV 

Adam. Well, I thought as liow 1 iuight. 

Dorothy. Such impertinance! 

Sally. Well, Adam White, 1 am sui|)iise(l! And your 
wife liasn't been dead tiiree weeks yet! Ain't you Hsliatued 
of yourself? 

iJorotky. Mr. White, you luay go at once, I am sure juy 
aunt does not care to see you. 

Adatii. How do you know. Miss Dorothy? I ain't such 
a bad tiguie of a man. 

S(dly. Figure of a beer bt)ttle, you me.in! Evcryl'ody 
knows fis how Biiily's saloon would iu)t be able to keep 
going if it wasn't for your patr< mnge. 

Ailitiii. I pity Sam Green w lien he gets a s[)it-tire like, 
you, Sally. But L can't miss my chance for tliat $100,000. 

Enter Miss Bkown, l. e. 

Dorothy. Please leave the house at once, Mr. White. 

Adam, (on Itts knees) Oh, Miss Brown, will you — 

Mi^s B {screams) Stop, stop! Dorothy, Sall\, sto[) 
him! ytop liini! Put him out! 

( eorcrs tier ears and rnslies out L. E. 

Adam, (rises) ^Vell, better hu-k next time. I'll have 
to say it tpiicker. 

Sally. You will never get another chance it' L can lieli) 
it. ( ' ./•// Ad.\m, u. e. 

Dorothy. Deai- mel This is dreadful! 

Sally. L never see such impudeuc-e! 

Dorothy. H.ow do you suppose he learned about the 
will? 

Sally. Either Judge Smith told, or he listened at the 
key hole, [rap heard on door i;. ) \\ ho is it? 

Enter doK KiNNY, K. E. 

Joe. Y<ni ought to know my knock, Sally. 
Sally. AVhat d<i you wan!, Joe Kinii} ? 



AUNT HESTERS DILEMMA. 7 

Joe. I want to see Miss lirDWii veiy particubir. 

Sdlly. Well, she is very parlicular herself, so 1 (I'Mi't 
think she -will see yon. 

Joe. Please run aloug, Sally, and tell her that Mr. 
Kinuy is here and wants to see her oii very iini)ortHui 
business. 

D 'vothy. If your "very important business" hns any- 
thinj^j to do with the m;uriH<;e ciause of luy uncle's will, 
you need not wait, Mr. Kinuy. 

Joe. Uh, L dont mind waitinj;, Miss Dorothy. 

Sdllji. Why Joe, it ain't a month since you was pro- 
posin' to nie. 

Joe. Well, seein«>- HS Sam hful the inside track, you 
Avould not have me pine away in the flower of my youth, 
■wonld you, Sally? 

SdUii. Youth! 'L'he liower of yonr youth must he a 
century plant. 

Dorofh//. Sally, show Mr. Kinny out. My aunt will 
not receive any callers to-tlay. 

Enter Miss Brown, l. e. 

Miss B. Has Adam White gone? (s/ops om seeing 
Jok) Oh — 

Joe. Miss Brown, T don't know you very well, luit I 
achnire you very much and — 

MissB. {scredtns) Stop, sto[)! Keep still! Dorothy, 
Sally! make him go: {e,nl L. E. 

Joe. She don't give a man a fair chance. 

Sally. Well, I'll give you a fair cJiance to Inave before 
I get the brt>om, but you will have to hurry. 

Dorothy. Go at once, sirl 

Solly. Yes, get out of here- go! 

Joe. Well, I'll have another try at it. {exif \i. V. 

Solly, ^sot if I can prevent it. 

Miss B. {appears ol i,. d. ) Has he really gone? 

Dorothy. Yes, come in. 

Enter Miss Bhown, L. E. 

3fiss B. This is awful! What shall Ido? (.<iiiksinto 
a chair} it was mean of -1 udge Smith to tell tlio-e men.^ 
Go, order them off the place at once, Dorothy. Sally, you 
take the Itroom, and if any one else tiies to projjose to me, 
don't let Inm say a word, {rajj ln'urd on door K. ) If it 



s A UX r J I /V.S TE H .S' 1)1 1.KMMA. 

is any one that wants to propose to nie, you can not coine 
in. 

Enter Bex Pl.vti', k. e. 

Be)!. (ri(she}< foncanl) Say, Miss Blown, will yon— 

Miss B. {7-ises) StopI Keep still I Don't you tlare 
])ropoSH to nie! Put bini out! 

Sfi.lly. ( rimlies (d him with hrooin) (let out of. here, 
Ben riatt! Nol»ody vvoultl evei- marry you unless they 
were l)liiul m one eye and coultln't see out ot" tlie otlier. 

Ben. I -let me Miss Blown - 

Miss B. Stop this minute! Don't you dare speak 
again! (exii L. v.. 

Dorolhfj. You ou^ht to be ashamed of yourself, trying 
to prtjpose to my aunt like this! (^exil Ben, R. E. 

Dorofhij. (drops into d chdir, while Sally /s husij 
(ihoni fhf iunun, dasling, etc.) I woiuler if we are to live 
in such a continual state of exiritement? P(»or aunt 
Hester! Wimt will she do? 

(Sam's head (ippeurs ai open window 

Sally. Lf tlu)se men liad as much brains as they have 
impudence, they would be like one of tliose "CJonipendiums 
of Universal Knowledge'" the book agents sell. But if 
Miss lirowti leaves them to me I think 1. can manage them. 

Sam. { in loud n-hisper) Sally! Sally! 

SaJvLY Inrns (piirLI// la UHndi>i(\ SvM mores as if to enter, 
hid she fnrnlirally rraves him hack. 

l)on>thti. { Inrii.'^ in her chair as Hx^lsliraddisappears) 
If uui'le .[osiali why, what are you doing, Sally V 

Sallij. {slops, ranfnscd) 1 oli L was ir\ ing to kill a 
wasp, Miss Dorothy. 

DoroUiy. A wasp, at this season of the year? 

Sally. Oh yes, I see them quite fretpn'ut. Wasps ar« 
what are called j)erennial hugs. 

Dorothy. {I timing hack again ) I never heard of a 
perennial bug, Sally. I'liat is souietliiug new for the 
etymologist. ( Sam appears at n'lndoir and Itcckons to 
Sally, <r/to inations him toli-arc) Surely uncle Josiah 
never realized what trouble his will would cause us; but 
he was so o{)posed to old ma ds. 

Sidty. {n-lto has moliom' i to Sam nnlil she has lost all 
patience) \N hy don't you go? (Sam disappears 



A UXT BKSTKKS DILEMMA. !J 

Dorothy. {ri!ies li<i.i(ylililij) Were yuu spenUii)^' \o me, 
Sally? 

Stilly. Oil no. Miss Doiothy! It wms llijit wnsp jij^Min! 

Dorolhij. Oh, tluit hardy pereiiniHl I 

Sally. Miss Hester might eotiie hack now. All the 
men have gone. 

Doiu^llty. Yes, you iimv call her, Sally. 

Sally. Please, Miss Doro.hy, would you naiud falling 
her while 1 tiuish this bit of dusting. She likes to sen 
things tidy. * ( ilnals 

Dorothy. Why certainly. {e\nl I.. E. 

i-^ani. {appears ai windotv a gain) The coast is clear 
at last. 

Enter Sam, h. e. 

What does all this mean, Sall\ ? 

Sally. It means that you ate ordered oflF the place. 
Tliere ain't uo men to be all>wed here after this. 

Sam. Why? 

Sally. Becanse they all want t<t propctse to Miss IJrowri. 
One hundred thousand dollars doesn't grow on every Inish. 

Saitt. She need not be afraid ol" me. I ain't collecting 
no antiques. 

Sally. Well, you can come to see nie next Saturday 
afternoon when she always goes to tlie Flo\\er Mission. 
Ui]til then you will have to stay awny. 

Sam. Oh, Sally, that is pretty hard. Just say tlie word 
and you can be Mrs. Cxreen to-morrow. 

Sally. Saui Green, that is the third time you have pro- 
])osed this week. Can't you think of something new to 
talk about? 

Sam. Why yes, there is a furniture sale at ilarvey's, 
where things is goin" leal cheap. 

Sally. Oh, go long with yon I 

Sam. Well, give me a kis> then. 

Sally, {look.s off L. ) Oh, here they come! Hnnl 
Hurry! {i',ril .Sam, hasl.ly, R. k. 

Enter MiBs BifOWN and Doroj HY, L. i^:. 

Mixa B. I am that neivoiis and unstrung! My nerves 
are all iips^'t! I uevei' thought that a vain, lazy numskull, 
gtiod-for-nothing-critter like a man could disturb me like 
this. 



10 AUNT HESTERS DILEMMA. 

Dorolliji. Never mind, aunt Hester, iliey are all gone 
now. (Miss Br.owN .s/7.y (. Sam a7>/;rar.s at iriiidoir <iiid 
beckons to Sally, she shakes her head) Sliall i reail to 
yon, auut Hester? 

Sam. ( in land whisper) Come outside. 

Mi s B {hirns <nid sees hint, rises qnicklij) Help! 
Help! A man! i saw a man at the window! Dorothy! 
Sally! Help! 

Dorothij. It looked like Sam Green. 

Miss B. I thuntjlit he would be coiiiiufi soon. Close 
the window aiul pull down the blind. Deur me! This is 
tenible! Don't you ever let Hnotlier man come near the 
house. How could uncle Josiah be so mean! But uo mau 
shall propose to me. 

CURTAIN. 



AC I 11. 



SCENE.— Same as Act Isl. — Miss Brown and Dokothy 
seeded doan C. — Time: one ny ek Idler. 

Miss B. Tilings grow wt)rse an*! woise. It has been a 
week now since that will was read, and I have never had a 
minutes i>efice since. It" 1 step out into tht^ garden to take 
H breath of iresh air, some mati pops up tiom helnnd a 
rose bush anil tries to propose to me. Lasl Wednesday, 
vou know, 1 answered the door-bell becMUse \ loolied 
through the window niid saw it was a woniMU. But when 
I opened the door I found it was Abe Simpson tiressed in 
his mother's clothes. 1 could hardly shut the door quick 
enough- -he began proposin' right away. And when we 
tried to take a Uttle fresh air in the carriage we hired, the 
driver tried to ask me to marry him. 1 feel that sooner or 
later some of them will be too quick for me, and then [ 
w dl either- have to marry them, or forfeit that $100,000, 
Hnd 1 don't w;int to loose the money. Have you kept 
count, Dorothy, of the men that tried to propose to me? 

Dorothy. I'liere have been thirty-seven, aunt Hesle?-. 

Miss B. Thii ty-seven! People cant say now that L 
didn't marry becaur^e 1 never had an offer. But you see 
there is no use trying against sucli odds as that. 1 miiiht 
a'^ well give up. riiough \i 1 have to marry, 1 want some- 
bo:iy ol" my own cluiosiiig. 1 want a yi)ung man. 1 always 



AUNT HESTERS DILEMMA. 11 

liked young men l)«st. Now, who do you consider the 
nicest young man in the village, Dorothy? 

Dorothy. The nicest young man in the villnge, aunt 
Hester? Why, L think Billy Sujith is. 

Miss B. Very well, I will nntrrv Billy Smith. 

Dorothy. You marry Billy ! {rises} Wiiy aunt Hester, 
you are ever so much oKler than he is! 

Mi^s B. Not so much. 1 don't think there is more 
tliHti twenty years difference. A [)'rson is only as old as 
tliey t'eel, and I feel young. Besides, I think Billy always 
liked me because he comes to tlie house so often. 

Doroihjj. Y-e-s, aunt, hut — 

Miss B. Now don't say another word; I have made up 
my mind. You go and teleplione to Billy to come up at 
(»nce, and when he comes, tell hiui oL' my de -ision. I will 
send Sally to get the minister and Judge Smith, ami we 
will be married to-day. Come with me and telephone to 
Billy. (exit L. v.. 

D<rolhy. Oh dear, I snjjpose i will have to, but I hope 
Billy won't propose to her. How will I tell him when he 
comes? It is not easy to act as a lover's proxy; 1 feel 
more Sony for poor .1 oh n Alden now than ever before. If 
Billy would only do as Piiscilla Oli what am I sayingl 
Anyway, lam sure his frequent calls were not all intended 
for aunt Hester. {exit l. e. 

Enter vSam, r. e. 

Sam. I wonder where Sally is. This is the day the old 
lady usually goes to the Flower Miision, and Sally said 1 
couhl come and see her. I'll wait; she will surely come 
in a minute, (take^ a neirsixiper I rorn lohlr and sits at R. 
front of stage) Now to-dny has got to decide it. Sally 
must answer "yes", or "no." Idere I've been courtin' he/- 
for three years, and ever\ time 1 pop the question, she al- 
ways has some excuse. I am tirod of living alone. I waid 
a \\\fe and Sally must make ii\) her mind. 1 am sure she 
likes me, but she just natnrally l(»ves to flirt. {reads 

Enter Miss Bkowjs and Dokothy, l. e. 

Miss B. {aside to DonoTHY) Who is that? Why, it's 
SamCireen! HushI don't let him hear you. Hehascome 
to propose to me, of coui'se. The inipinlent felh)w! 

Dorothij. {aside) Mfiybe he hus come to nee 



12 AUNT EEkiTERS U ILK MM A. 

aiiiit Hester. 

J//.SN B. (aside) Of c(tuise not. He wants to marry 
an lieiress like the re.st of tliem, hut he shan't propose to 
me. You take the table cover hucI slip up t)ehiiid him, 
tlieu put it over his lieatl so he can't talk and I will do the 
iHst. ( M1.S8 Ljkown ><ii'tiUhihi gets the broom, while 
l)oKf(j'HY, o// tiptoe, secures Ike tohle cotJer, (Did slippijuf 
up heliiiid Sam, covers liis liead iriiti it, he gire^ smothered 
i/f'lls, mid irnres his hands and feet frantically in the air 

Miss 1) OWN liiltiiig him irith hrooin -alond ) Keep 
still, \(>ii Wold, l)ad man. You shan't propose to me. 

Itidni. {still fiiclciug) Let nie go! Let me go! 1 don't 
want ti> propose to you! 

Miss B. Don't let him go, Dorothy. ( hits him. with 
broom) Keep still, you impudent fellow! 

S'ini. I'm smothering; let uie go! 

Miss H. I dont care a mite if you do smother. It 
would he one man the less anyway. 

Sam. [ si niggling ) Help, help! 

(Miss Hkown hils him irilh broom 

Doroltn). Perhaps he will promise not to i)ropo8e to 
you if we release l;im. 

Sam. Yes, let me go! 

Miss B. {hilling him) Keep still! I am not going ti> 
take any risks. Why don't you hold the tahle cover so 
tight that he cant talk, Dor(>thyV 

Sam. { in ninffifd r ice) I'm smothering! I'm smother- 
ing! 

Miss B. ( hilling III ni ) Be quiet! 

Dorothy. What shall we do with him. aunt Hester? 

Aliss B. L will get some lopeand we will tie him. I'hen 
we can send for the tiie police. (Sam struggles and gives 
inarliciiUde yells — Miss Brown liiltiny ti.m) You need 
not attempt to escape, for you can't. 

Dorolliy. How canyon have liim aitested. aunt Hester? 
There isn't any law against pro[)osals, is there? 

Miss B. Well, there ought to he a law against it. If 
1 was a man L would make some laws a person con Id use, 
ijistead of 8|)ending all my time in the Legislatiiie raising 
the taxes. (Ham .^itrnggles ami makes inarlictlale smrnds 

Miss B. (hilling Iiiin) 1 told you to be quiet. Don't 
let him go, Dorothy. 



A UXT HESTtJ A' s I>I L K M M A . j:) 

Enter Sally, l. e. 
The minister will be liei-e iu an lioiir, .Missis — 
{se(S Sam ) Wliy, what are yi)a doing with Smui? 

yriss B. He wants to piopose to nie and 1 wontlet him. 

Sam. i don't. [fs a lie! Let nie "o! 

Sally, of conrse he cion't! The very idea! ^Oii 
coiihlii't marry liim if you want d to, ( DoitorKY rentorcs 
tdhlr corcr) I am yoinj; to niairy liim myself. 

Ham. {ni.shes /o Sally ay/<^^/ /oAv.s her hand) Well, I 
am mii^hty glad to hear it; you have kept me waiting long 
enough. 

M.ss B. That's a smart way to get out of it. Hut, seeing 
as it was a man, 1 guess a thrashing more or less don't 
come amiss, 

Dorofhi/. {looking onl of the nu'iidoiv) Here coaies 
Billy 

J/i.s'8 B. We will go and leave you to tell liim. 

Exit Miss Brown, Sam and Sally, l. ¥..--the two hii^t 
ha)i(l in hand. 

Dorothy. Oh dear, 1 wish I hud told aunt Hestei- .some- 
body else was the nicest VMiuig man in the* villagH. How 
shall 1 tell him that aunt Hester has decided to marry 
him? 

Enter Billy, k. e. 

Bithj. {rushes io Dohothy an(t l<il:es tier hand) How- 
are you, Dorothy'? I cm me as soon as L received youi 
message. 

Dorolhi/. I am very soT'iy-i mean very glad. Sit 
down in that chair, Billy. 

Douothy seats herself and poiids to chair some tilth' dis- 
tance aicay. 

Billy. Yes, but I'll move it closer. 

Dorothy. No, leave it where it is. Dreadful weathcj- 
we are having, is it not? 

Billy. Why, 1 thought it was very pleasant. 

Dorothy. Ves, 1 mean pleasant. Billy, 1 have .some- 
thing ver\ important to say to you. 

Bitty. "What is it? 

D I othy. It — aunt Hester — would you — did you notice 
oui- (hilfodils wei-e in blooin, Billy? 

Bit y. Yes. Was that the important something you 
were L;t>in<! to tell me? 



U AUNT llh'STER'S DILEMMA. 

Dorolliy. No; but it is vniy eaily f<>'' tht'iii is it iH>t? 

Bi'lij, I don't know luiicli about dntt'oilils; but it' you 
are in trouble, Dorothy, and I couhl aid you in any way, do 
Jiot li' sitate to hsIc nie. 

D()i':)llii/. Oh no, it is not tiiat. {iirich t'liilxirdssed ) 
But — HI- how do you like our family, Bdly? 

HHIi/. Wliy, very much. 

Ihfrolhi/. Bow would you like to belonj^f to it — ^Ihat is, 
by nifuria^eV 

Billii. { aside) Bless her heart! She knows that I 
am in love with her, but has SHfii that L am diftideut, so 
she is «;iving me a little encourHj^ement. {dloud, inoni's 
chair (I Utile clo.^er) i would like nothing better. 

iJoro'lit/. Aunt Hester likes you very much. 

Billi/. I am glad she does; 1 was always afraid she 
would oppose it. ( ))ii'Vf's chdir closer 

Doriilhji. You could live here with us. 

Billfi. L don't care where we live; anywhere that suits 
you. ( tuore< chair closer 

Dorotlnj. 1 have nothing to say, but aunt Hester pre- 
fers that [)lan. 

Bill I/. Yes, I suppose we will have to please her. 

( inures chair clo.^er 

DoroUiy. 'Then I can call vou uuch^ I Jill v. 

Bilij. 'Uncle Billy! Uncle Billy! (rises) What do 
you mean? 

Dorolhy. Why, it' you marry my auid, you will be my 
uncle, won't you":* ( rises 

Billy. Marry your aunt! Is that what you iii'niit? I 
did not understan I. Did you think for a minute that L 
wouhl nuvjry your aunt for any $100,000? Why, the giil 
I love is wortli a million dollars. 

( hikes DoKOTHY in his (rriiis 

Enier Judge Smith, k. e. 

Judf/e. What are you two talking about? 

Dor.oTKv /(//'/ Billy s^^ring hastily apart, looh-iiui con- 
fused. 

Dorothy. Aunt Hester has decided that she will have 
to marry somebody, and she has chosen Billy, but he ob- 
jects. 

Jndjfc. Objects? Surely you did not object, P>illy? 

Billy. Indeed 1 did. She can decitle on me if she 



A UNT HESTE R S J) IL E ^f^fA . 15 

wants to, but 1 liave decided on 80!iiel)0(|y else. 

Judge. Well, you will liave to reconsider your decision, 
my SOD. You cant refuse an heiress with $100,000. Why, 
it is tlie opportunity t)f your life. 

Billij. What do i care ahoiit her old nioUHy? [ w'<^u't 
marry her. 

Jiidye. Yes, you will! As your father I coniniand you 
to do so. We could pay all our delfts and live in comfort 
the lest of our lives. 

Billi/. I don't care. 1 won't many an old maid twnuty 
years older than 1 am, especially when I am iu lov« witli 
somehody else. 

Judge. 1 will not hear any more nonsense like that. 
You ilo as I say. {looks off l. ) Here she comes; now you 
march up and propose to her like an oliedient son. 

Judge draws Billy fo one side and UUks to him in pduto- 
iniiiie, sli<d\nig his p'st in his face. 

Enter Mi^s Bkown, S.\lly a//'/ Saim, l. e. 

Miss B. Have you told liilly, Dorothy? 

Doroihji. Yes. 

Mi s B. 'L'heii everything has been arranged. The 
minister will be here in half an hour. Of course Billy 
must [)ropose to me and I am ready to hear his declaration. 

^[rss \\]'A)WJi smiles encoiirdgiiiijly rr/ Btlly, whose father 

jiiishes him Joruuird. 

Bi'ly. Miss Brown, before these witnesses, I solemnly 

ask you for the hand and heart of —{he pauses and MiSS 

Bkown extends her hand ) of your niece, Dorothy Brown. 

Billy goes to Dorothy and takes her hand. Miss Brown 
drops into a c/uiir. 

Dorothy. Oh Billy, this is so sudden! 

Judge. Billy, you rascal, how dare you? What do you 
mean? 

Sam. (draws the Judge to one side, aside to him) If 
you are so anxious to have Miss Brown in the family, why 
don't you marry her yourself. Judge? You area widower. 

Judge. By jove! 1 never thought of it! The very 
thing! {approaches Miss Biiovf^i and takes seat beside 
tier) I am sorry to observe that my son has such poor 
taste, but the youth of this generation are sadly lacking in 
the qualities of sense and discernment. I assure you that 



16 A UN T n KS 7 'b: R- S I J I L hJ M MA. ^ 

iiieii t)f mature year.s km)\r huw to appieciate a eliaiiiiiug 
Hiul beuitirul woman. (Miss Hrown .sm le» mid arraiiye.s 
her hair) How rare indeed, and liow precious is a woman 
like yourself, Miss Br. »wn, wlio dilfers tiom the many 
light an<l frivolous niembejs of your sex. A woman to 
whom everyone must concede a superior miiul nnd niist 
wonderful iirmness of cliarHcler. 

Mis.< it. I suppose you are right, Judge Smitli. No 
one could call me a "clinging vine." 

J tidqr. Far from it, I assure you! Fortunate indeed 
woukl he tlie man wlio could possess suclia wise lit'lpuiate 
and companion as yourself. Often have 1 sat by my 
lonely hearthstone and thought how pleasant life would be 
with a charming and intelligent wife, like the one lady in 
the village, whose aversion to my sex rendeied my suit 
wellnigh hopeless. But under the existing circuujstances, 
I venture now to otter you a life long devt)tion, and lay my 
heart and fortune at yt)ur feet. 

ilf/s.s- B. Dear me. this is so sudden! 

Billy, {to hoKOTHY) Listen to the goveiior. J did 
not know he could lie so romantic. 

Miss B. ( (jives Judge Smith her hand) But 1 always 
liked you better than Billy anyway. 

iJarothy. Won't it be nice to have aunt Hester foj- a 
step-mother-in-law? 

Billy. 1 am sure I wouhl rather have her for a step- 
mother than a fiance. 

Sam. {leadiuij Sally Jonrard) Since the minister is 
t'oming, cant we mnke it a triple wedding? We don't 
wHnt to be left out, d«) we Sally? 

Sally. Not nuu^h! 

3Iiss B. {slepjying forward with I he Judge) Yes, we 
will have a triple wedding. It will be a joyous occasion, 
foi- we all have the one we wanted. Wouldn't uncle .losiali 
lie tickled to think tie got his own way after all — just like 
;i man the vjiin cnitters! {smiles al the J UDGK 

Sii'lij. ((isi<le to H\M.) 1 always thought Miss Biown 
wasn't so set against men as she pretended. 

TABLEAU.- Mias Brown and Judge Smith it., Sally 
and Sam C, DorOTHY and BiLLY L., thus Jonniiiy a 
semi-circle. 

CURTAIN. 

THE END. 




LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 

IllllJlllllllilllilllllllll 

015 793 131 3 



m 



-AiTies' Plavt^-ContiiiTied. 



840 

KM 

400 

R7 
117 
IBS 

28n 
lift 

.■w 

411 
27fl 
1K> 
1«o 
180 
171 

»n 

41(< 
SOB 

non 

115 
!W> 
J«27 
983 
Mi 
«TO 
I 
8W 

41S 

tsn 

137 
lfl7 

•« 

292 
863 

t«« 
2X1 
3«7 
SI" 
2«<» 
212 

332 

IRI 
56 
70 

ISB 

147 

16S 

414 
403 
111 
1S7 
3T7 



Our Hotel i 

Olivet 8 

Onr Family rfinhreMa! '. 4 

Obstinate Famllv.The S 

Paddy MUea' Boy..... " '" 5 
Patent Waahlnjr Machine..".. 4 

Per«iecuted Dntchman 6 

Professional Gardener 4 

Poor Pillcody. . '"' 8 

'"fKt Mf.iiV"ff " 

Popping tbe Question'"..'.. 7. 2 
Printer and His Devils , The 8 

Quiet Family 4 

P<"TnlarFlx 6 

Ripples .......!!!......!.!!! 2 

Poiip-h Diamond 6 

Room 44 7' 2 

Rascal Pat. Thiat...... ....... . 8 

Fiibpo Rnbp. ".'.'.'."...... 2 

Sham Professor, The 4 

Spellln' Skew). The....".".".'.'.'!.' 7 

Snnta r-i^ns' Panehtpr R 

RewineCirele of Period 

S. H. A. M. Pinafore ;..;;'. 5 

Somebody's Nobody 3 

Btrir-tlr- Tetroe-ancp 2 

Stage Struck Yankee!!... ' 4 

Struck by Lightning 8 

Slick and Skinner. . ...... 5 

Slasher and Oraaher..!! ...!!! 5 

Stupid Oupld ."" 4 

Snow Ball ........."'...',!! I 

Signing an Actor..'."!!,!."'*."'" i 

Switched OfT 

Too Many Cousina.'..'.'.'.."."..!!!!! 8 
fT^o r}pptl<»rn<»Ti In (^ Fix.... ? 

Taking the Census !" 1 

Turn Hira Out.. " 8 

'^'if'-t'--thrp« voxt Birthday i 

Tinj Flannigan S 

Trials of a Country 'Editor! 6 

'T'PTar MotV-or-in-Law i 

Two Aunt RmllyK. 

no.nno w^jrer !!!!!!!!!!!!! " 

T^Tiole Ethan ...!!!L!!!!!!! 4 

I'njust .Tustice !!!!!!!! 6 

^'orrnont Wr><^l n^ntor ft 

Wonderful Telephone. 3 

Wanted a Husband 2 

Wooing XTnder Diffloiil'tieiB! 4 

Which will '•» Marry? ? 

Widower'" Trin's....! 4 

Waking Him Up..!............ .! 1 

T^hv '^hey Joined the Re- 
beccas 

Who's Who? .,!!!!!!!!!.'!!!!!!!!! 3 
winrincr a Wife...!...!.!!!!!.'.!! 2 

Yankee PnelH-t !...!!!!!!! 3 

VanUop pprlrller 7 

Yacoh's Hotel E»perieni'e! S 



ETHIOPIAN FARCES. 

204 A<"ad»'iriy of Stttrs fl 

17'2 Black Shoemaker 4 ? 

Biack Stame. !!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4 2 



NO. 1 

255 Best Cure, The 

326 Coincidence. 

222 Colored Senatora 

"H Ohopa _ 

190 Crimps Trip 

378 ruttin' 'Sperience In a Doc- 
tor's Office 

^58 Haunted House 

24 Hand Andy 

236 Hypochondriac The 

282 Intelligence Office, The 

319 In For It 

361 Jake and Snow 

<<P MisrhtevouB Vlgger 

256 Midnlsrht Colic 

I2S Mu^i.'a' n«-key 

61 Not aB Deaf as He Seems... 

353 Nobody's Son 

244 Old Clothes 

234 Old T>^d'9 Cabin 

246 Othello 

a97 Pomp Qreirti's Snakes 

134 Pomp's P.'anks 

258 Prof Bones' Latest Inven- 
tion .'. 

177 Quarrelsome Servants 

107 School 

188 BfPir.g Boating 

ITU Sham Doctor . 

248 Sports on a \j»r\ 

9K Stage Struck Darker 

288 Strawberry Shortcake 

128 Select School, The 

108 Those Awful Boys 

24,'S Ticket Taker 

216 Vice Versa. 

506 VillVens nnd Dinah 

210 Virginia Mummy 

20S Willi.Mm Tell 

1.56 Wig-Maker and His Ser- 
vants 

OUIDV. BOOKS. 

17 Hints on Klocution 

130 Hints lo Amateurs 



4 3 

2 

8 

2 

3 
8 I 



5 

8 

B 

3 

8 

8 

8 

8 

5 

» 

5 

4 

4 

6 1 

4 



di. 



21F) 
2.T0 
260 



399 
397 
300 

3H2 



376 
371 
184 
186 



The Little Oem Make-Uo Box 



MISCELLANEOUS. 

On to Victory, Cantata. 25c. h 

Festival of Days 

Cousin Jotins Album, Pan- 
tomimes 

Happ.v Fi-anks Wongster. 
Ames' 8»'lefi Keeilatious 

No. 1. 

Mother Rarth and her Veg- 

alabi»» I>aughter8 (i 

Ames' .'^fPieH or Medl*^ya, 
Pecilalions and Tribieaux 

No. 1 

Ames' Se»-ieb of Mfdi^ys, 
RecitatioiiB and Panto- 
mimes No ; 

Joan of .'Vri" Dr:i',l 

Victim of Worn an 'b Rights. 1 

Family Dis<>ipl-;ne n 

My Day end Now-a-Days... 
. Price so n»>iit«i. 



rE 



